Shag for safer sex

BLUNDERING health chiefs set up an advice service for youngsters called the Sexual Health Action Group — SHAG.

Well-meaning Eastbourne Downs NHS Trust started the body for youth workers to discuss how to improve teenagers’ sexual health, but did not realise the gaffe.

Group member Lee Edgar said: “It wasn’t intended and has caused a few problems.

“I don’t even write it in my diary because I don’t want people to see it. It’s embarrassing.”

She added: “We’ve talked about changing the name but it describes what we do so well.

- Source

This reminds me of the time my school officials wanted to name the upcoming high school Indian Prairie High School. They were very self-congratulatory until some student actually stopped from her snickering to point out that school rivals were going to have a field day with "I Pee High." So they changed it...but when they built the "alternative" high school, guess what they named it? IP High.

Tamamamamamamagotchis

When the hell did Tamagotchis get so cool again? I had to run to three different stores to find them and only ended up with TWO. My aunt requested a DOZEN - apparently they are hot in HK as well...*fuu*

They were cool when I was in 7th grade. I feel so out of sorts; perhaps I should watch more children's telly if it didn't sicken me so much with the low-grade slop passing off as youth entertainment these days.

I saw electronic Sudoku at the stores as well. Interesting concept, but probably not worth it.

Poland Springs, but 30% less healthy

Yesterdays' newsflash:
"Wielkopolska, Poland was the site of some very happy drinkers after nearby Lake Bracholinskie was the beneficiary of a large leak from a vodka distillery. Residents from the area quickly heard about the mishap and headed for the lake to fill up.

"Our alcohol measuring equipment is not wrong. It recorded a level of 30%. There is vodka in this lake," said chemist Robert Wilczynski."

But what about the fish? This feels sort of wrong. I'm waiting to hear about an accidental tarn of tofu in China or a stream of whiskey somewhere down south.

Quote of the day:
"If God does not help us, everyone in the neighbourhood will be stinky drunkards and only a hole will be left on the site of our lovely lake." - resident Genowefa Licha.

People who irritate me #205: The Foister

I like to carry several things at all times with me:
1. ID
2. Lip balm (with SPF thank you)
3. Digital camera
4. Notebook and pen

Consequently, you'll often find me with some type of tote or messenger bag. But just because my bag happens to be bigger than a sandwich bag does not mean I will carry your shit for you. Small items like ID cards or gum is fine, because I'll probably end up stealing your gum.

However, I usually refuse to be responsible for other people's things because they don't want to be responsible for them. Especially if they aren't even wearing clothes with pockets in the first place, because that implies pre-meditated thought on Foisting things onto me.

Take my sister, a serial Foister, for instance. She doesn't want to leave her wallet - one of those huge woman wallets that would fit a checkbook or double as a clutch - in the car with her tote. That's totally understandable. Then she asks me to carry it for her. Normally I would oblige but why not just take your tote with you? What is not understandable though, is the hysterical shitfit she throws when I say no.

Actually, what is scarier is her trailing behind me muttering things like, "God, you're so stupid" and "I wish I could hit you..." What? How old are we? At this point, appeasing her is futile because she wants to be angry. I really hate that type of angry person because there's nothing you can do to calm them down short of some sort of blood sacrifice.

Ten minutes later, as we're sitting down for dinner, she continues to boil. As the waiter fills our water glasses, she suddenly slams her wallet/clutch to the ground. It hits the ground with a big SMACK, so at first I thought she finally did hit me and I just had slow nerves endings.

Thank god there was wine at dinner. Sometimes I worry because she appears to be one of those people who justify large alcohol intake by talking up how stressful their day was. She seemed to mellow out by dessert though.

SIX MORE DAYS UNTIL NEW YORK!

Multiplicity

Scanning over my vast empire of blogs and websites, I realize that I really put myself out there!

Not quite Internet Hoar, not quite Anon.

Preparing for your mid-twenties growth spurt

Growth Spurt Preparedness Guide

1. Maintain good posture
Good posture is totally underrated in America. Hunching your back like an emo kid or goth makes you look shorter than you are. Also, it makes you look fat.

NOOO

No one's asking you to sit like there's a stick up your butt; head up, shoulder blades back, chest forward, and stomach in. The best piece of advice I got for this was to hold yourself as if a string was attached to the top of your head, holding you up. It makes a big difference.

Ab exercises and Pilates also contribute to better posture. Healthy core = good back. During Pilates' heyday, I'd keep reading about how it made you taller. Bull. It just makes you more conscious of your carriage and allows you to actually stand at your actual height.

To find good posture while sitting: Slouch down completely, sit straight up, and then relax your position just enough. You'll be able to feel it.

NO

You know who has good posture? Ballerinas. You know who else. ME.

2. Elevate yourself
I hate wearing heels. I have wide feet - thanks, dad - so just squeezing my feet into pointy-toed torture devices is already enough. However, while I have no concerns about wearing my knee-high five-inch platform boots, this is not considered work/daily life friendly. What does work, however is anything with a slight rise, a sturdy sturdy heel, and good padding. Shoes with wedge platforms of two inches or less or Frye boots work well and look relatively normal. And when I say wedge, I mean something that doesn't shout, "I'm overcompensating!"

No.

Actually, in the summer all I wear are my Birkenstocks - no socks, thanks - so this rule doesn't really apply. All other seasons, wearing long pants conceal said heel and you don't even look like you're trying! Again, two inches is the rule of thumb. Any higher, and it may affect your posture and hinder your stride.

Gag

For men, high heels went out of trend in the 1700s and haven't made a mainstream comeback yet. However, trendier designers are coming out with a few reasonably heeled pairs. There are also those shoes with elevated insides, but I haven't tried them yet.

3. Maintain good bone density
I don't drink soda or coffee, but I don't drink milk either so I can't make a claim about drinking what will do what to you body. All I know is that I shouldn't have tequila.

Vitamin D, calcium, and stuff like that. Actually, my diet is terrible right now so I can't say too much about it. However, I do take vitamin supplements, occasionally go outside for some sunlight (vitamin D, which helps with calcium absorbtion), and have avoided tequila and driving so I'm feeling good.

Healthy bones for everyone! Cross-training with weights, resistance exercises, and cardio will also help maintain good bone density.

While you can't fight your genes, a healthy lifestyle is always good for your...health.

Scenes from Hunchback High's Spring 2006 Prom

And I'm done. Anyone else got a tip?

Old timey future stuff

I finally got around to watching the Aeon Flux movie this weekend. Interesting take-off on the storyline of the original series. I enjoyed it for what it was worth, although the dialogue concerning the mysterious nature of Flux's and Goodchild's relationships leaned towards Cringingly McCheeseworthy. I really don't expect much from these types of movies, although.

What I liked best was the costume design. Aside from Tilda Swinton's Archangel Gabriel in Constantine, since watching 2046 last spring I have not been as impressed with movie wardrobes until now.

I was a little leery at first, wondering if it was just going to be some modification - ie, sexed up version - of kimonos and cheongsams for the women and basic tees with fancy cargo pants for the men. But to my surprise, it was all very good. To me it seemed to be a balanced, believable mix with big nods to the past. I wasn't too sure about the umbrellas though.

(Cheers to my horrid screencaps! They're mixed in with the real ones.)

Meh

Giant red uvula aside, women's wardrobe was a mix of American forties, slim silhouettes with a slightly flared skirt, some vintage and modern fetishwear, English riding costumes, and grounded by some current runway pieces. The costume designer, Beatrix Aruna Pasztor, cited her influences from Westwood to Gaultier to Comme Des Garçons and Jun Takahashi.

Also note the use of color; this was another break away from other futuristic movies. Oh, and there were quite a few people of color as well.

(Psst! Most photos link to larger versions.)

From Jean Paul Gaultier's Fall 2003 RTW line


Yeah collar!

Details details

Costume National, I think.




LOOK AT HER...JACKET. And the cuffs!


A better photo. Also, an Asian!


Organic shapes with lots of color-coordinated hosiery


Standard naughty stuff


Yawn.

Menswear was impressive as well. Lots of slim-cut suits and long jackets for the masses with the ocassional slob thrown in the background. The richer folks wore clothing that was a take on Regency wear - think Pride and Prejudice or Sense and Sensibility. No knickers though. I guess that would be taking it too far. There was also a lot of detail in menswear with topstitching. It's nice to know that the future still appreciates handcrafts.

Man on left...slobs still exist in the future.

Forties piece on her right, future version on our right


18th century Regency, where wigs overcompensate for a tiny head.




Oh come now Mr. Darcy, don't look so glum!


Do not come between a man and his umbrella.


Stop pouting! Look at what Peter Postlethwaite has to wear!


XA#@*&MD!!!


Topstitching


More topstitching


Nice collar, disgruntled brother.

Kicky cravats and...scuba hoods!?


And even more topstitching

The DVD also contained a short feature on the design process, which was impressive.

/geeking

Instead of spending my time doing Good Things, in my next life I'm just going to network.

Com sangue!

Was driving to Chinatown this past Monday when I saw this truck ahead of us:

Just another normal paint truck, right? But then I noticed their disturbing logo:

"Cover the Earth?" With what? Judging by the omnious drippings and the audaciously bold statement, I believe they mean to cover the earth with BLOOD.

SWP = Society of Wicked Peoples? So as a friendly reminder, the next time you see any "Sherman Williams Painters," run for your lives!

Food post for June

It's been a while since I've talked about food. Anyway, came across one of the most amusing food/recipe sites ever:

It's a mainly British site where anyone can post their attempts to remake their favorite snack, only GODZILLA-size. Or Pimp-ed out, which would probably be a better way of explaining the name. Or just frighteningly enormous. But since it's British, there are a lot of snacks I don't recognize so I'm just focusing on the ones I know and perhaps onced loved.

For example, take the humble Oreo; a delicious chocolate and lard cookie roughly the size of a gold dubloon. Then pimp it out and you get

this!

Or perhaps, you prefer your chocolate treat classier and more European. How about a Lindor Truffle? Or how about a pimped-out Lindor Truffle?

15 pounds of pure chocolate

And as much as I like the idea of me enjoying Cadbury Creme eggs, this is rather grotesque!

Overall, points go to this site and its contributors for their ingenuity. Take the Scotch egg - which I have never eaten - a hardboiled chicken's egg covered with a layer of ground meat and fried. Instead of finding an ostrich egg - one of which is the equivalent to twenty-four chicken eggs - the team of Giant Scotch Egg make their own.

Just like a regular egg, only bigger!

Finished product with comparison to regular, puny originals.

In the midst of a size-queen culture, this is as good as it gets.

http://www.pimpthatsnack.com

A post about hair

Was rummaging through the home network and found a bunch of photos from the early days of digital camera-ing. Large bulky files with not-so-good resolution, but good enough to have me guffawing/smiling/cringing in long-delayed embarassment.

In high school my family and my god family went to Canada together. Once we ventured out to have tea with some of my mother's aunts. My mother's old old aunts.

Mom: And this is my family. (Gestures to me and my siblings)
Old Aunts (somewhat loudly): Splendid! What a beautiful daughter and what nice young sons you have!
Me and the siblings: ...
Mom (Shoves me forward): ...Actually, this is my eldest daughter. (Read: This one is also a girl!)
Old aunts: How nice! Two daughters!

I can't say I was totally mortified, though; looking through old writings Angsty Pre-Emo Me expressed a certain desire for androgyny. Just not in front of bloodkin, however.

This stage was both cringe-worthy and galootish; possessing a haircut that first resembled a young Aaron Kwok in the early 90s and then a spikey style that reeked of hair-gel abuse. It was kind of gross. My hair was so saturated with product that it stood stoutly against any Midwestern winds and had a prediliction for eye-puncturing if anyone got too close.

I'm a teen heartthrob; watch me dance my way into you heart!

I've never regretted dyeing my hair though; I liked all the colors it went through (dark red, ashy highlights, magenta, brown, caramel, uriney yellow, white, olive green, purple, red) except for that fake black favored by goths and emo kids. That was a necessary one since I was heading off to HK. Tempering it with brown didn't work at all.

What haircuts/styles have you regretted?

Psychos from Brasil

Psycho #309
Last Monday. It is the night before I head back to Illinois and I am back at my old house with Roomie. We are listening to old-timey stories on the radio upstairs and drinking milk tea, when I hear muffled shouting. Can't tell where it is coming from, but I suppose it is outside somewhere.

R: "Do you hear anything?"
Me: "Yea, but I think it's outside."

We go back to listening to our play, with tons of bad Eastern European and Arab accents. Some of them sound clearly Scottish, although the country in question is Turkey. However, it is about vampires and adventurous grad students who somehow have enough money to gallavant around the world.

Suddenly, I hear someone outside the door. In the hallway. OMGWTFBBQ! The vampires have materialized out of the story and are standing in the hallway?!?

Then I realize it sounds an awful lot like my old roommate. The one who never did any chores and used up a roll of TP every two days. Upon opening the door, I see a woman dressed in what looks like a towel; had she taken a shower without us noticing? I stare hard and realize that it is a dress.

R recognizes her as the crazy ex-girlfriend of Old Roommate, who has already left for Brasil. Visiting for a medical internship, she had stayed for two weeks here before beating him up and moving to a co-op. But even before that, according to R, they were always arguing and screaming and shit. Unhealthy, no?

R: "How the hell did you get in here?"
Crazy Ex: "I am looking for my suitcase. I go back to Brasil tomorrow."
R: "How the hell did you get in here?"
Crazy Ex: "With OR's key."

R trundles down to the basement and lugs the hundred-pound suitcase back up. Crazy Ex wrenches it away and attempts to leave with her friend.

R: "Can I get the key back?"
Crazy Ex: "No. I will give it to OR in Brasil."
R: "He doesn't live here anymore."
Crazy Ex: "No. I will give it to OR in Brasil."

Because we are tired, we leave it at that. It's not worth it to deal with crazy bitches who burst into your house in the middle of the night unannounced and demanding luggage. R mused that although they said they had entered through the back door, it was undisturbed.

Her true craziness was not fully yet known until the next morning.

We are downstair making breakfast. In the kitchen, R moves to close the window.

R: "Holy shit!"
Me: "What?"
R: "She didn't have OR's key."
Me: "How do you know that?"
R: "The window screen's been cut."

And sure enough, a generous flap had been sliced into the screen.